lately …

if you only knew

through the thick walls

i got you

I have you fixed in my beam

illuminating everything

to reveal the darkest secrets of this heart

to embrace them

I have you fixed in my beam

so I can find my way in

strong traction towards your hidden parts

and the adhesive friction of your hands

may I kiss you today?

or would you push me away

let’s not stop shedding light

until we’ve solved the puzzle

the impossibility of you and me

.

I fell asleep with the pen in my hand
and when I dreamed
I dreamed it drew your face
as if the both of us were real

and if it wrote you a thousand letters
and a million love songs
you’d still not love me
for you’d never receive them
really

can it become
something I can reach
something I can receive
something to touch
something that catches me
something that returns to where it left me waiting

something real

everything’s about agreements
and compromises
and talk
and sitting on the fence
only observing
longing for the neighbour’s fruits to grow

can’t it be
easy this time?
one time?

can’t I have all the fruits without all the long-winded work this time?

I sense an open gap,
a channel, a way, a hole, a void
to be filled
you want it but
you don’t know it (yet)
that’s what makes me calm just now

when there’s still so much to find out
about life, about yourself, about me…

I could open you up if you let me
I could hug and kiss you
I could care
could be your pixie
your lady of pleasure
a relentless goddess
or a nice one

just as you wish

and if nothing else
can’t I be the demon at least
on your shoulder
biting your neck gently
whispering poems into your ear

about a different world
where our friendship
looms large

.

either you…

either you

or anyone better than you

that’s what I wish for

two kisses